"Howdy, Folks! Welcome to The State Fair of Texas!" I remember hearing Big Tex say the exact same thing when I was a kid. Going to the State Fair will always be one of those little things that I enjoy. It's all so sinful....in such an innocent way. Fried Coke and Fried Mac & Cheese? How can you turn it down? It's just meant to be accompanied by an $8 beer, while sitting in a concept car...and you must be wearing a tube top and a silly furry hat you won from a carnie on the Midway. Hmmm....it doesn't sound nearly as decadent when you read it. I guess you just had to be there. Well, here are a few other things you missed out on if you didn't make it to the fair this year: Bryan Berg, The Cardstacker, recreated the Dallas skyline using playing cards. No glue, no tape, no folding....just stacking. Wow. Then he tore it all down with a leaf blower. I wish he would have worn a Godzilla costume. You can see more here: http://www.cardstacker.com/ I'm impressed by his talent. Really, really impressed. Then there was the petting zoo. I had to put my little piggies next to some authentic little piggies. There was a camel, and also a joey still hanging out in momma kangaroo's pouch. The poor girl's belly was dragging the ground. I also saw a girl try to pick a cow's nose. City kids don't really understand livestock. After several hours, 500 miles of walking, and the obligatory corny dog.... my dogs, and Connie were worn out. We saw some cool Marilyn Monroe art, learned the history of the accordian in Latin music, rode some suspiciously squeaky carnival rides, and had an encounter with the police. Oh, yeah! The excitement NEVER ends 'round my place.

Meet the sheriff. This is why I love life. You're just hanging out, when in walks an armadillo sporting six-shooters and a Stetson. Okay, he was carried, and they're not real guns (or even a real armadillo), but you get the idea. I can't stop thinking about new versions of A Prayer For Owen Meany! You just never know what's going to happen next. You brought your armadillo out? Seriously? Get outta here!!!! What's next? Stay tuned.

Connie loves going to Oklahoma. Why? Because it's OK! Well, that's what the car tags proclaim....and why would a car tag lie to a person? However, I have to give Oklahoma a better rating than OK. To my delight, I found MY FAVORITE BEER!! (er, one of my favorites...The title of all-time favorite has to go to Stella Artois) The Heavenly Tripel Karmeliet is pictured here with The Amazing Kwan, and The Shiny Purple Connie. I haven't been able to get TK at home for quite a while, but there it was, coyly peering out of the cooler in an unsuspecting beer joint. I couldn't stop smiling, or laughing. Upon finishing the first bottle, I couldn't stop acting like an ass. I was so full of bliss (i.e. booze) that I had to share my love of...well I was in love with everything at that point....but I just had to shout it from the rooftops (i.e. tabletops). Mirth was in the air and we bonded with some charming folks at the table next to us. They were even nice enough to pose with Shiny Purple Connie. At least, I think they were charming and nice....the pictures not posted tell an interesting tale of naughty bottle tricks, fun things to do with Connie, and ducks. (No ducks were harmed during the filming of this post) Kwan, Connie and I had such a good time, we laughed through the resulting hangover. My verdict: Oklahoma

is Funtasticly Beerlicious! (Maybe the tourism board should stick with OK)

Pinkie and I went bowling....with some other folks....and other shoes. Turns out that I bowled the worst, but probably had the most fun. Isn't it obvious from the ridiculous grin on my face? I am a very competitive person, but there are some things in life that I just don't attempt to conquer....such as the art of bowling. Sure...it was fun.....I got a little social interaction, my arm was sore the next day, but that's about it. Is it really worth it to give yourself a hernia when you don't make that spare? There are much more fruitful goals in life......I'm sure of it.

So, Texas is known for it's honky-tonks, right? Wrong!!!! There is a significant lack of decent places to scoot your boots in this town. (keep in mind, that I'm not privy to the country/western conspiracy, but I do check in from time to time) So, I headed on down to the waterin' hole to check out the local talent. Unfortunately, you can't see the talent in this photo........but man....I think they were way too 'snacky' to sing about the hardships in life. I doubt these boys have ever been turned away by a lovely li'l filly. Just the same, I hollered along with the classics....and took the obligatory toilet break when they broke out with......a John Cougar Mellencamp tune?????? Oh my. Maybe honky tonks really have gone for good. Yee-Haaww, y'all!

Connie went up to Oklahoma. That's what we call 'instant attitude adjustment.'

Sure, the oil refineries stink of desperation, and you can't buy Fat Tire, but look at how happy Connie is. Man, is it beautiful up there. The people are simply marvelous. Especially the blackjack dealers in the Indian casinos. Miles and miles of casinos. Ahhhhh... what a great escape from the materialistic treachery that is Dallas.

Have I mentioned that I love beer? I have determined that I am a beer geek....not a beer snob. The difference is that I don't discriminate. I love all beer. You won't see me turn down a frosty Bud, unless there's a Stella available....and I'll tell you why: Stella Artois recently sent me to Denver for a competition. I had a great time! Incredible beer everywhere! The event happened to occur the week before the 25th Anny of the Great American Beer Fest!! Talk about a kid in a beer factory! And just look at the hotel room I had. I'm still grinning! I didn't win the competition, but I can't really complain. I had the highest score....but my time went over the designated 7 minutes. I know....you're asking "7 minutes isn't enough time to pour beer?" Well, you can try it yourself: http://www.stellaartois.com/index.html

The Belgians are particular about their brews, the glassware, and the service. Everyone needs a hobby; this is one of mine. After crowning the champion, we all headed to the local for some celebratory suds. Fantastic! Every pub had a specialty brew (or eight) just for the Beer Fest. Needless to say, that cool, cozy king-size suited me just fine until noon the next day.

Please welcome a new member to the family. Pinkie. She likes collecting ferns, watching rodeos (on TV, but not in person...unless it's Vegas), and the smell of pool table felt in the morning (it's like victory). She is quite partial to dogs, and has a strange aversion to other shoes that look like her. She's pictured here with two odd birds she met in our trailer park. Looks like the bird flu hasn't hit here yet. We all know what it's like to be the newcomer, so lets make Pinkie feel like she's at home. Since she's from Bangkok, we're hosting a kick-boxing deathmatch. It's BYOB, and hookers get in free if they bring a live rat or pirated copy of Pirates of The Caribbean...(hey, it's what she asked for)

I know, I know. It's been a while, but it's so nice and cozy in my cave...and that's where a girl hermit likes to be. And this way, my title as Queen of Procrastinators is safe!!! (for a while)

So, this is what Connie did for Labor day. (Yep....Labor Day)
She got all sentimental about finding 'the right one,' (whatever the hell that means) and got all weepy about stupid stuff that doesn't even matter. BUT, we've all been there before.....and what's the best approach for handling life's little challenges? (all together now) BEER!!!!!! So we put a couple of pints in her and she was as good as new! (Don't worry, I took the keys) Look at her now! We even ran into wild fella named Chuck Taylor (turns out he wasn't the right one), and got Connie to let down her laces. Sure, we all had our tongues hanging out the next day....but what memories! This just corroborates Ben's theory: "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

Inspiration struck me today. Actually, it struck last weekend, and it wasn't me, it hit my dear friend Phil. I'm just 'borrowing' his creative property and running with it. I think I can do more with it, and I'll tell you why: I have more shoes. Last weekend, we hit the nearest Kinko's...because that's what hip folk do. I spotted an orphaned car tag in the street and thought it was just the sort of thing I might like to hang up in my beer joint....the one that I haven't found yet. Upon closer inspection, it didn't suit my imaginary place, but Phil took a photo of it anyway....my shoe included. This weekend, when I visited my dear friend Phil, I noticed an assortment of shoes outdside the neighbors' door. It made a pretty (and touching) picture. I found myself wondering about the people that belonged to the shoes. Were they having a party? Had they spent a day at the pool? Was it a reunion? Maybe the two families hadn't seen each other in years. I could make up all kinds of stories behind that pile of shoes. Then I thought about my own shoes. Anyone who knows me, knows my shoes. It's a silly little gimmick, but I love my Converse Chuck Taylor All-Stars, or Connies, for short. I like taking pictures, but I don't like that I'm rarely in them. So, I thought, why not put my shoes in the pictures? They're a part of me, and I like to show them off...probably more than I like showing off my mug. Prepare yourselves, and watch this space...I'll keep you updated on The Mysterious Misadventures of My Shoes!!!

Please tell me: who thought this was a good idea? In probably one of the most beautiful places in Dallas, there are four enormous granite teddy bears. The smallest of which, at about 3', is pictured here, inspecting a bronze bee. The biggest is about 8'. Here I am, enjoying a lovely walk, a pause in the only place where a cool breeze overcomes the Texas heat, and I turn around, expecting more of the lovely scenery...and BAM!! I'm scared out of my wits by a bizarre, stoic, giant teddy bear. Something tells me that's it's supposed to be cute, but it's just chilling. The vacant, soul-less eyes, the unsmiling mouth. These are NOT your Vermont-variety teddy bears. *shiver* Then, I get angry. Why? Why take a perfectly serene setting and put huge teddy bears there to scare me? I'm serious. I never had to worry about scary stony children's toys invading my dreams before I saw these monsters. Fortunately, Kronenbourg 1664, a tasty French brew, is now available in our fair city, and the timing couldn't be better. Now I have something to help combat the nasty rock bears in my nightmares. In my book, beer always beats bears.

I love toys. I love toy stores. I especially love toy stores that sell shot glasses and bartending supplies right next to the wind-up race cars....now that's my kind of toy store! I dragged my dear friend Philip into this toy store, and he tolerated my girlish squeals as I skipped from one item to the next. He was even obliged to play along. For 30 minutes, he put his plans on hold so I could shriek with delight as I fondled all the goodies. ;) What a trooper. I settled on a tiny foam hand and some super-groovy stretch body bits!!!!! For the bargain price of $4.27, I also got instant attitude adjustment. I got to forget about the stress of work, war, and worry. I got to be a kid again, for just a few minutes, but the feeling of innocence and happiness lasted all night. (or maybe it was just the good company!) The next time I'm feeling a bit run-down, or wonky.....I'm grabbing my yo-yo, and a friend who will play.

This is the most beautiful place in the world. Or, at the very least, the most beautiful place I've ever seen. It's about a 45 minute hike from a rest stop on the island of Kauai. I would give 3 toes to live within driving distance from this place...and I'd be happy about it.